What Mindfulness Is, and Isn't, To Me
Let's start with an admission from someone who sells meditation guides (me): a lot of the mindfulness out there is crap.
Maybe you have seen the kind. Breathe in for four, out for six, and your burnout, your debt, your unsupportive workplace and your two-hour sleep will simply melt away. If they don't, you probably just aren't breathing properly. Try the premium course. Manifest abundance. Cue my eye roll.
I've been studying and practising this stuff for what is becoming most of my adult life. And I'm still reading, still questioning, still changing my mind. I recently read McMindfulness by Ronald Purser. It’s a sharp critique of how mindfulness has been packaged and sold. It's uncomfortable reading for anyone in my line of work. It should be. And a lot of it, I agree with.
So here's where I want to be clear and on record with what mindfulness actually is to me here, what it isn't, and how I try not to be part of the problem.
What mindfulness is
Mindfulness is a trainable skill. At its most basic, it's attention practice: noticing what's happening in your body, breath and mind, and getting a little better at choosing what to do next.
That's genuinely useful. A few slow breaths can shift your nervous system out of fight-or-flight. Noticing a spiral of thought gives you a gap before you act on it. With practice, you recover from stress a bit faster. For me, it was learning to lean on that pause before exploding, flying off the handle, being rude, whatever you want to call it. I was like, the best at that for a good chunk of time.
I think that mindfulness is also modest. It's a tool, like stretching or sleep. It helps. It doesn't solve everything.
What it isn't
Here's where the wellness/‘industry’ side goes wrong for me, and where I agree with the critics.
It isn't a fix for your circumstances. Breathwork won't give you parental leave, childcare, a fair workload or a partner who does their share.
It isn't proof you're failing. If you meditate and you're still stressed, that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. Sometimes stress is the correct response to a hard situation.
It isn't a substitute for care. It doesn't replace your GP, a therapist, medication or real rest.
It isn't a productivity hack. When mindfulness is sold mainly to help you cope with more, faster, it's being used to keep you quiet, not to help you.
The biggest problem is the message underneath much of it: that all your distress lives in your head. Some of it does. A lot of it comes from how we live, work and support (or don't support) each other. Teaching people to calm down without ever naming that is, frankly, gaslighting with a soothing voice.
The part that got cut out
The traditions these practices come from never treated attention as a standalone trick. It sat alongside ethics: how you treat others, how you treat yourself, compassion, honesty, not taking more than you need.
Yoga is the same. Breath and posture are only two of the eight limbs. The very first ones are about how we live with each other and ourselves. Strip those out and you're left with a relaxation technique wearing spiritual clothing.
That's why I’ve worked hard here to infuse my guides to be built around all eight limbs, not just the bits that photograph well. The ethics aren't decoration. They're what point the practice outward, towards other people, instead of only inward.
But, coping and changing aren't opposites
This is where I part ways slightly with the harsh critics. Helping someone get through a 2am feed or a panic attack isn't a betrayal of the revolution. You can't advocate for anything when your nervous system is on fire.
So I think of it as both/and. Use the practice to steady yourself. Then use that steadier mind to see your situation clearly: what's yours to change, what isn't, what you need to ask for, and who you could stand with.
Calm is a starting point, not the finish line.
What I do differently
I'm not going to pretend I'm outside the wellness industry. I host meditations and sell guides. But I've made some deliberate choices about how:
Every tool comes with its limits. I'll tell you what a practice can do, what it can't, and when it's time to see a professional instead.
Science, cited. My tools, like the Three-Breath Reset and the weekly Monday Tool, are practical techniques with evidence behind them. When I make a claim, I show you where it comes from.
Ethics included. My Eight Limbs guides for pregnancy and postpartum include the ethical limbs, not just the breath and movement.
No fake urgency. I’m not selling with marketing tactics or countdown timers. No "only 3 spots left", no "transform your life in 7 days". I worked in marketing I know a lot, I try to avoid the cringey bits.
Honest pricing. The guides are priced to cover my overhead. Clear price, no upsell maze.
Context, not just coping. I'll name the structural stuff: exhaustion, lack of support, unrealistic expectations. It's not all in your head, and I won't pretend it is.
If I ever slip into selling you a panacea, call me on it. I mean that.
Where to start
If you want a tool, used honestly, start with the free Three-Breath Reset. It takes less than a minute, and I'll tell you exactly what it will and won't do.
If you're pregnant or postpartum, the Eight Limbs guides take the whole practice seriously, ethics and all.
And if you've been burned by wellness that promised everything and left you feeling like the problem, I get it. You're not the problem. Let's start from there.
