I'll be honest: my move from the US to London felt easy. Three years in, it's the best place we've ever lived. But I know that's not everyone's story. I hear from people who moved across the world, or just across the country, and feel unsettled months or even years later. Lonely. Out of place. Quietly wondering if they made a mistake. If that's you, you're not doing it wrong. But I want to encourage you: there's a lot you can do about it.
Where the friction comes from
When I think about why my move worked, it wasn't luck or some special talent. We didn't try to bring our old life with us. We sold or donated almost everything, chose a simpler way of living, and let the new place be new. That's where I think a lot of the struggle lives. If you want your old life in a new place, there will be friction. It's just not realistic.
You might be missing:
The way things worked back home: the shops, the systems, the pace
People who knew you without explanation
Rituals and holidays that don't land the same way
A version of yourself that felt settled and sure
None of that is wrong to miss. But when we keep measuring the new place against the old one, the new place always loses.
Forgive yourself for the belief
It's so human to believe a move will only work if it looks a certain way. We picture the life we want, then feel like we've failed when reality doesn't match. So the first step isn't fixing anything. It's forgiveness. Forgive yourself for expecting it to be easier. Forgive yourself for holding on to the old version of home. Forgive yourself for the days you've spent wishing you were somewhere else.
You didn't do anything wrong. You just carried an expectation that isn't serving you anymore, and you can put it down.
Two tools from yoga
Yoga gave me two ideas that I lean on whenever life changes.
Aparigraha, or non-grasping. This is the practice of holding things loosely. When you stop gripping the old life, your hands are free to receive the new one. Try naming one "it should be like…" thought each day, and let it go on an exhale.
Santosha, or contentment. This isn't settling. It's choosing to notice what's already good, right here. It's a muscle, and like any muscle, it gets stronger with practice.
Together they shift the question from "Why isn't this like home?" to "What's good here that I'd never have found at home?"
A simple practice: three glimmers a day
Glimmers are small moments that tell your nervous system you're safe and okay. They're easy to miss when you're homesick, so you have to practise noticing them. Try this for one week.
Pause and breathe. At the end of the day, take three slow breaths, letting each exhale be a little longer than the inhale.
Name three glimmers. Three small moments from today that felt good, safe or beautiful: a kind cashier, good coffee, sun on your face.
Notice one thing that's new. Something you'd never have experienced back home.
Let one thing go. Silently name one comparison or expectation you're ready to put down, just for tonight.
It takes five minutes. Over time it teaches your mind to scan for what's good, not only what's missing.
Stay, or try again
Once you've let go of the old expectations, you get to choose. Maybe you learn to love what you've got. Maybe you realise this place isn't it, and you try somewhere else. Both are brave. Neither is failure. What matters is choosing from a clear, settled place rather than from homesickness or fear.
I've created two meditation guides to help:
Finding Home is for anyone who has made the move and is feeling the friction, with practices for letting go of the old life, forgiving yourself, and finding joy where you are.
Fresh Start is for anyone still deciding, or thinking about trying again.
I'd love to hear from you: what has been hardest about your move, and what has surprised you? Tell me in the comments or send me a message on @transformbydoing.
